WHAT IF…I DON’T LIKE MY THERAPIST?

What if I don’t like my therapist… and other questions we might not ask in therapy.

This question is a common one. While liking your therapist is not necessarily an essential indicator of good therapy it is important that you feel safe, heard, and validated by them.

There may be many reasons why you do not like your therapist. They might remind you of someone from your past or bring up familiar feelings from other relationships. Therapy can sometimes feel slow or like not much is happening which leads to becoming dissatisfied with them.

Therapy can also be tough at times and there will be occasions where your thinking, feelings and responses are challenged by your therapist. Remember, they are there to offer a different (not better) mind and part of that includes examining parts of ourselves that are uncomfortable.

What is important, is that you share your feelings with them. Therapy is unique in that you should not need to worry about hurting your therapist’s feelings. You are not there to look after them; you are there to understand yourself better. A good therapist will engage with this and be curious about why you are feeling what you are feeling.

 

What if I have sexual feelings for my therapist?

The official term for this is ‘erotic transference’ and is common in therapy. The relationship with your therapist is by its nature an intimate one and some might say it inevitably brings up feelings of love and desire.

It’s your choice whether you want to talk to your therapist about your feelings or not but it is their job to hold the boundary and act appropriately. Working through these feelings can help us to understand and accept our relationship with love and intimacy and can be a very insightful part of therapy.

 

How do I say I want to end therapy?

The ending of therapy is just as important as the beginning yet is often overlooked. It’s crucial that your therapy journey ends rather than just stops. Talk to your therapist about how you feel and that you have been thinking about finishing. This will give you and your therapist time and space to explore the motivations and reasons properly.

Endings of any type will bring up feelings of loss and these are worth discussing as much as other topics in therapy. Your relationship with your therapist is hopefully one that is significant and meaningful and therefore the ending should mirror that.